tale of the backward technology geek

For a geek, there are suprisingly pieces of technology I'm not fond of. I'm not big on cell phones, and wouldn't have one if work didn't 'equip' me with one. They did it several years ago, when I walked into a meeting. It was with some muckity mucks and one of my compatriots (the liberal whiner from the other side of the cubicle wall) was late. It was 10:00, and he hadn't showed up at his desk, or at the meeting. Nobody answered at his house and the Vice President who called the meeting asked if he had a cell phone. Nobody knew, so he told his assistant to see to it that he did. Then he turned his attention to me. "John, do you have a cell phone?"

"Why no, I don't"

"Get John a cell phone too."

Damn. Got by that long without one, and now I was handed the electronic leash, all because someone couldn't be responsible enough to be at a meeting on time. Mr. Liberal was all pleased. "Oh cool, they'll pay for a cell phone? For me?" Yes buddy, they will, but it comes with a 24/7 string attached, thank you very much.

But that's not what I want to talk about.

Christmas cometh, and with it, the youngster's wish list. Number one on the hit parade is an iPod. My theory on this, as with computers...when you buy one, get the biggest, baddest, fastest, smallest, whatever-est one you can, so that a year later you aren't buying a new one because yours is obsolete. Make it last longer than it took you standing in line to buy it. My current computer is four years old, and still kickin'. I'm hoping to get at least one more year out of it. It was with this attitude that I went researching iPods. I found the biggest baddest one, the 60 gb video thing, so I started checking the sale papers and behold, found one.

So one Saturday, the youngster was out playing with his buddies and I went shopping. I found the object of his desire. It happened to be the very last one at the local Comp USA, so I bought it and headed to my next destination, all proud of myself. I called home to tell the wife of my success, using the electronic leash supplied by my employer, and could barely hear the word, "Hello?" because the signal was pretty poor.

I proceeded to tell her about getting the very last iPod, and heard, "AWESOME!!!"

Awesome? The wife doesn't say "Awesome!" Who the.......Oh shit!

So as I pulled in the driveway, the youngster is standing at the garage with a huge grin. "What's it look like? Which color is it, black or white? Can I see it?"

"NO!"

Then I walked in. The wife gave me that really evil look. You all know the one. Even if you aren't married, you saw your mom use it. Wives learn it at those pre-marriage classes or their moms teach it to them face to face (literally), and husbands see it as the signal that says, "The honeymoon ended today!" That's just the first time they see it. It isn't the last.

"Why did you have to tell him you got it?"

"I didn't mean to. I thought it was you. When I left he was out with his friends. I'm sorry."

Damn, I hate cell phones.