you need to seek professional help
If you've visited this place any length of time, you know the youngster (and because he does, we all do) battles with ADD. Last year I wasn't sure we'd get through 7th grade, and breathed a sigh of relief when we did.
We had a family talk after that, and told the youngster he needs to step up his game in 8th grade. Mom and dad aren't ready to handle another year like last year, constantly checking behind him, and looking at a website provided by teachers to know what's due and when tests are, instead of having him know and inform us. I told him I'm more than willing to help him study, but I want some help knowing when and what. I'd rather he ask me to help study Chapter 3 in Science rather than finding out on a website that there's a test and battling with him to get him to sit down with me and do it. Telling me, "I know the stuff I need to know for the test" and seeing the test come back with an F is more than old. He assured us he was ready to do his part.
The first grading period has now come to a close and report cards come home this week. We're bracing for the worst. We have had progress reports that confirm our fears...we're not doing any better. We talked to him over the last week or two, about homework not done, tests we didn't know about, and he admitted he hasn't been doing much of anything. Last week, the wife called me. Mom-in-law is home with him during the week and three days in a row he came home and said, "I have no homework. I'm going out to play." I called him Thursday and told him, "I don't know what you have for homework, but I know you have something. Even if you don't, you go home and study..science..social studies...anything, but no, you aren't out playing." he gave me all sorts of attitude, but he went home. Found out afterward that he went home, and started working on a project due the next day, that he knew about for three days. He didn't complete it. The teacher told him if he did it over the weekend, he'd get partial credit....so he did it Saturday. We checked it, but he did all the work, and had it done in three hours...and he did a good job with it. Why he couldn't do that on time...I don't know.
So, we get to the crux of this entry. The wife and I both have a benefit from work, where we can see a counselor for X amount off sessions, free. Personally, I don't know about all this. The whole "professional help" thing is foreign to me and I'm not all that keen on it. The few people I know who see therapists, or whatever you want to call them, seem to do it indefinitely, with no real light at the end of the tunnel. It just isn't on my radar screen as an answer to anything. The wife wants to try though....because we need to do something we aren't doing now...anything that might help. I...am willing to try. I figure it can't hurt, and I might actually learn something that could help. She set up appointments, starting this Wednesday. Her initial talk with said counselor sounded encouraging. He said many kids with ADD go through what the youngster is, and if left unchecked, they'll decide nobody can help or understand them and they shut everyone out. Once a kid gets there, he/she is impossible to help. Since we haven't got to that point, we're in a good place. So far, to me, that's a lot of mumbo-jumbo. I hope he proves me wrong. I have to admit, things the wife did in this arena in the past have proven me wrong. She's the one who insisted he might have allergies. I said, no, he's just a normal kid. She was right. She said he might have ADD. I insisted he was a normal boy, being a boy. She had him tested and she was right. She insisted he needed help with reading comprehension and set him up in a Huntington Learning Center. There's one I think I was right on. Well over four thousand dollars later, I think he wasn't much better off and when we pulled him out, they insisted their tests showed he still needed help. That one might be the model for my "no light at the end of the tunnel" doubts. Those people acted like he ought to be in their program for the rest of his life, and we should keep financing that, and squealed like pigs when I told them the money trough wasn't being refilled, and played the guilt card heavily to try to make me reconsider. I'm sure some folks get the results they expect there, but I came out of that experience thinking, "money pit".
We told the youngster last night, and framed it as..we're going to see this person as a family, to see if he can help us do things better, because we aren't getting it right on our own. He, predictably, wasn't happy. He told us we're doing great as parents (like he knows) and he promised to do better at school. Well, that skip in the record has been there for a few years now, and it's not sounding any closer to the truth, yet.
When I tucked him in, he looked at me and said, "Dad, we don't need anybody's help. We can do this by ourselves. We wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't being so stupid about school, would we?" He reached out for a hug...and I just sat there with him, holding him, for a few minutes, and told him I love him.
I found myself trying to defend something I'm skittish about to start with, but I'm trying to present the united front, and told him..."I'm just looking for ways we can do things better, and if this guy can help us do that, I'm all for it. You always tell me I don't understand. Well, I need to understand so we can all work together better..so I know how to help you better. If this guy helps me do that, great. If not, we didn't lose anything trying."
We'll see how it goes.
We had a family talk after that, and told the youngster he needs to step up his game in 8th grade. Mom and dad aren't ready to handle another year like last year, constantly checking behind him, and looking at a website provided by teachers to know what's due and when tests are, instead of having him know and inform us. I told him I'm more than willing to help him study, but I want some help knowing when and what. I'd rather he ask me to help study Chapter 3 in Science rather than finding out on a website that there's a test and battling with him to get him to sit down with me and do it. Telling me, "I know the stuff I need to know for the test" and seeing the test come back with an F is more than old. He assured us he was ready to do his part.
The first grading period has now come to a close and report cards come home this week. We're bracing for the worst. We have had progress reports that confirm our fears...we're not doing any better. We talked to him over the last week or two, about homework not done, tests we didn't know about, and he admitted he hasn't been doing much of anything. Last week, the wife called me. Mom-in-law is home with him during the week and three days in a row he came home and said, "I have no homework. I'm going out to play." I called him Thursday and told him, "I don't know what you have for homework, but I know you have something. Even if you don't, you go home and study..science..social studies...anything, but no, you aren't out playing." he gave me all sorts of attitude, but he went home. Found out afterward that he went home, and started working on a project due the next day, that he knew about for three days. He didn't complete it. The teacher told him if he did it over the weekend, he'd get partial credit....so he did it Saturday. We checked it, but he did all the work, and had it done in three hours...and he did a good job with it. Why he couldn't do that on time...I don't know.
So, we get to the crux of this entry. The wife and I both have a benefit from work, where we can see a counselor for X amount off sessions, free. Personally, I don't know about all this. The whole "professional help" thing is foreign to me and I'm not all that keen on it. The few people I know who see therapists, or whatever you want to call them, seem to do it indefinitely, with no real light at the end of the tunnel. It just isn't on my radar screen as an answer to anything. The wife wants to try though....because we need to do something we aren't doing now...anything that might help. I...am willing to try. I figure it can't hurt, and I might actually learn something that could help. She set up appointments, starting this Wednesday. Her initial talk with said counselor sounded encouraging. He said many kids with ADD go through what the youngster is, and if left unchecked, they'll decide nobody can help or understand them and they shut everyone out. Once a kid gets there, he/she is impossible to help. Since we haven't got to that point, we're in a good place. So far, to me, that's a lot of mumbo-jumbo. I hope he proves me wrong. I have to admit, things the wife did in this arena in the past have proven me wrong. She's the one who insisted he might have allergies. I said, no, he's just a normal kid. She was right. She said he might have ADD. I insisted he was a normal boy, being a boy. She had him tested and she was right. She insisted he needed help with reading comprehension and set him up in a Huntington Learning Center. There's one I think I was right on. Well over four thousand dollars later, I think he wasn't much better off and when we pulled him out, they insisted their tests showed he still needed help. That one might be the model for my "no light at the end of the tunnel" doubts. Those people acted like he ought to be in their program for the rest of his life, and we should keep financing that, and squealed like pigs when I told them the money trough wasn't being refilled, and played the guilt card heavily to try to make me reconsider. I'm sure some folks get the results they expect there, but I came out of that experience thinking, "money pit".
We told the youngster last night, and framed it as..we're going to see this person as a family, to see if he can help us do things better, because we aren't getting it right on our own. He, predictably, wasn't happy. He told us we're doing great as parents (like he knows) and he promised to do better at school. Well, that skip in the record has been there for a few years now, and it's not sounding any closer to the truth, yet.
When I tucked him in, he looked at me and said, "Dad, we don't need anybody's help. We can do this by ourselves. We wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't being so stupid about school, would we?" He reached out for a hug...and I just sat there with him, holding him, for a few minutes, and told him I love him.
I found myself trying to defend something I'm skittish about to start with, but I'm trying to present the united front, and told him..."I'm just looking for ways we can do things better, and if this guy can help us do that, I'm all for it. You always tell me I don't understand. Well, I need to understand so we can all work together better..so I know how to help you better. If this guy helps me do that, great. If not, we didn't lose anything trying."
We'll see how it goes.
John put this out here at 10:32 AM
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