Wednesday, November 12, 2008

doctors and shit

I had another checkup with Mr. "My Doctor" this morning. I had lab stuff done recently, and he wanted to go over all that, and take one more opportunity to tell me I'm fat. Gotta love that part. Here's my co-pay. Please insult me now.

So last night, we were out and about, and we stopped at a drug store. I decided to hit the blood pressure checking machine, to get a feel for how things would go this morning....146/86. WHAT??? Holy Carp, Batman..that number was higher than I've ever seen before. They had a little minute clinic in the drug store with a real live nurse, so I asked her to check it...140/86. OK, so maybe it's not the machine, but it made me think. I go to the gym, and these machines I use to work out have heart rate monitors on them. I struggle to get that number up above 140 when I'm on those suckers, and that's exercising. Is that the same number that I'm looking at as the big blood pressure number? If it is, what gives?

So I hit the doctors office this morning and the first thing they did was blood pressure...128/80. Go figure. Anyway, we went over the lab stuff and all that was good. In fact, all the numbers..LDL, HDL, Blood Sugar, everything was an improvement over last time. Weight stayed about the same, so in his eyes, I'm still fat. OK, I'll keep trying to lose a bit. If I only didn't love food as much as I do....

Then came the shit...literally. Once again we verbally sparred over the whole colonoscopy thing. I reiterated my distaste for becoming a human bowel bazooka the evening before such an exam, and fended off the ordeal once more, but he shot himself in the foot in that debate, when he asked, "Exactly how old are you"

At first I had to wonder...you're my doctor. You're looking at my file. You're making decisions based on my age and...you don't know what that is?? But I bit my tongue and said, "51"

"Well, OK, I'm 51 and I haven't had one yet."

Oh, hold the phone. You're the same age as me and you haven't had your ass scoped, yet you're all over mine because I haven't? What's up with that? Argument over.

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