can't think of right words to say
A very dear friend of ours lost her mom (or in her case, mum) unexpectedly this week. I'm grasping for words where there really aren't any.
I'm usually pretty good with words. I'm not a professional writer or anything, but I can get a thought across. Here, I just feel....downright helpless. There's nothing I can say to ease the hurt and loss. I'm usually pretty good at fixing things or making them all better and here, I got nuthin'.
She's going to cry, and hurt, and grieve no matter what I, or any of her other friends do or say. As much as I wish there was more we could do, all we can do is be there for her...and let her know we are.
I'm usually pretty good with words. I'm not a professional writer or anything, but I can get a thought across. Here, I just feel....downright helpless. There's nothing I can say to ease the hurt and loss. I'm usually pretty good at fixing things or making them all better and here, I got nuthin'.
She's going to cry, and hurt, and grieve no matter what I, or any of her other friends do or say. As much as I wish there was more we could do, all we can do is be there for her...and let her know we are.
Labels: Philosophy
John put this out here at 8:43 AM
2 Comments:
There are never any right words. There is nothing to do, or fix, or say, ever. All you can do is be. Be THERE. Love her. Listen to her. Hug her. Give her all the space she needs, and try to never ask anything more of her than she is able to give, and understand that she will deal with this however she has to, in whatever way she needs to, over however long a period that it takes. There aren't any rules, there aren't any guidelines, there are just people, and sadnesses, and grief.
I haven't blogged about this, for much the the same reason, but recently a fellow I'd been seeing lost two of his three children and his estranged wife in a fire. It is hard to grasp, hard to wrap your head around, hard to know what to say, hard to comfort. We want so badly to make the people we love feel better, to ease their pain, help them not suffer and aid them...but I'm coming to realize that the best thing (maybe) any of us can do is be there to stand witness to the pain, the anguish, and not try to make it go away. In truth, it never goes away entirely. Those kinds of loss leave holes that never heal completely, and in its own screwed up way, it's okay. Watch for the patterns of anger and denial, acceptance and sadness, etc., and just let them happen, and be there where you can, and just love.
So there's my little piece of wisdom for the day. Just love. It's all we've got in the end.
You always say things so well, J. I've been trying to think of something special to say to her and all I can come up with is 'I love you and hold you close to my heart during this time.'
You're right...all we can do is be there for her.
hugs,
Shere
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