so it all comes down to tonight

Tonight is the youngster's consolation prize tryout for advanced ball. A big part of me wants him to go out there, kick ass and make the team, as the credits roll over the silhouette of him, and me with my arm around him, basking in the lights shining in from the outfield with Lassie pulling up beside us in a perfect Hollywood ending. Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet, and a piece of Americana for us to treasure for the rest of our lives. I guess most of me wants that to happen. A small part of me isn't so sure.

As he realized this week, if he makes it, he'll be at baseball practice every Friday night. Saturday, there's baseball, either practice or games, and Sunday, well, there will be baseball. His whole life will be baseball. If his whole life is baseball, my whole life will also be baseball. I can pretty much kiss the Jaguar season goodbye. I'll catch a little of the games on radio, and I don't know what I'll be doing with our season tickets. As for golf, there will always be December, and I suppose I should just be happy I live where golf is an option in December. Yeah that's the selfish part of me talking.

Then there's the whole point of whether or not he really should be on that team, regardless of whether or not the coach takes him, but I've decided I can't get all wrapped up in that. No matter what, I probably won't ever know the answer to that one (unless he chokes so bad tonight that it's obvious he won't play) so why let it bother me.

In the end, I really want him to give it his best shot, leave it all out on the field and let the chips fall where they may. If he does that and makes it, good for him, and we'll make it through the fall, even without golf. If he does that and doesn't make it, he'll get better, and try again next time. Either way, I hope he tries his best and knows that's what he gave them, so he leaves the tryout with no regrets.