"I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party."

On the radio on the way to work this moring, I heard Paris 'has anyone seen my ass' Hilton is looking for a New Year's Eve gig. She wants to host New Year's Rockin' Eve or some equivalent. All she wants is $100,000, a private jet to get her to the party and back and a few other various and sundry extras. Paris Hilton? One hundred grand? For what?

I could see hiring her for a party, but the fee would be more like $500, and she needs to provide her own transport and pole...and it's not for New Year's Eve. If you're thinking I'm being cheap at $500, remember, it's Paris Hilton we're talking about. I've seen her Hardee's commercial. Most of the girls working in a gentlemen's club in Anytown USA could command more...and do an infinitely better job...at either party.