Panettone

I'm not much on fruitcake. I tasted it once and decided it was best left to be used as a speed bump, if one should ever be in need of a portable speed bump. I was a big believer in the Johnny Carson theory, that there was really only one fruitcake in existence, and it just got re-gifted multiple times a year, globetrotting from house to house like a bizarre hot potato. When December 25th came up, the family with the fruitcake was stuck with custody...until next year, when they could pass it along to the next victim. I was OK with that theory until I went to Cracker Barrel one December, and saw a whole stack of them on display...and I hadn't been drinking, so I knew it wasn't quadruple vision squared. My entire belief system was shattered.

And so we come to this thing left in our break room. Things left in the break room are considered fair game for anyone who walks by. Usually if there are leftovers from a lunch meeting, like pizza, they show up there. When people have excess Halloween candy they'd like other people to consume...you guessed it...break room. Today's featured product, something called Panettone. It's a traditional Italian cake (or so says the box it was in). I decided to give it a shot. After all, I'm Italian...sort of...and the box, sitting off to the side, looked familiar. I had seen it before, even if I had never tasted the contents, so I was curious.

This shit is....nasty. It's like a fruitcake/bread combination, so it's not even suitable in the speed bump arena. It has these little chunks of unrecognizable fruit-like things embedded in it and it's just...I dunno. All I can say is I'm no longer curious.