Thursday, January 26, 2006

Layers and Onions and Ogres, Oh My!

SHREK: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
DONKEY: Example?
SHREK: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
DONKEY: [Sniffs] They stink?
SHREK: Yes. No!
DONKEY: They make you cry?
SHREK: No!
DONKEY: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sprouting' little white hairs.
SHREK: No! Layers! Onions have layers! Ogres have layers! Onions have layers.You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs]
DONKEY: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
SHREK: I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes.
DONKEY: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
SHREK: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.

What does that exchange have to do with anything? Not a lot really, except I liked the movie, it involves onions and layers, and I'm unimpressed with my daily calendar this year, and it also involves onions and has layers.

Every year somebody, it seems, buys me a desk calendar for Christmas. Every year I get one of those things that has a page for each day with something witty on it..except this year. This year, nobody stepped up to the calendar plate, so I went out and bought one myself. It seems this is a task best left to others, because this thing is worthless. Well, no. That's not entirely true. It does have a page for each day and so, does function as a calendar. The rest of it needs a crutch though, because it's pretty lame in the entertainment department. I own the Onion's Best of Yesterday's News. I happen to like the Onion. That's why their link is on this page. I like most of the humor. It misses on occasion, but whose doesn't? This calendar though....who put this thing together? It's missing always! I don't think I've pulled a chuckle out of it yet. Not that any of you who wanted a calendar for 2006 have waited long enough to heed this advice, but don't get the Onion's Yesterday's News calendar. It's not at all funny. Donkey...now he's funny!

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