lumberyard relationship advice
So, I'm taking the youngster to school. It would be the car pool, but my Steeler lovin' kids bolted early to go to Pennsylvania....so it's just me and the youngster. We're listening to his radio station, and the DJ is having a monumental relationship crisis.
He bought a Playstation 3, for about $600. He's living with his girlfriend and wants to bring it in the house. She says no way. Her argument is he spends too much quality time playing video games and she wants that time. Last night, he supposedly snuck it in the house. She got pissed. So, he calls her on the air and wakes her up and they discuss the situation live, on the air. It comes down to this. She says, "If you love me, you'll smash that thing with a hammer. If you don't, I'm leaving." Now, we won't get into whether or not the whole thing is staged to get people to listen. It probably is. What we will get into is the situation. "If you love me, you'll smash that thing with a hammer. If you don't, I'm leaving"
It isn't a matter of the choice, girlfriend or playstation 3. That's scratchin' the surface. Human relationship vs. video game....human relationship wins. That, however, is not what's at stake here. This guy's future is at stake. If he caves, because he sees something long term here, he has to deal with what he's getting long term, and it ain't pretty.
Anytime anyone in a relationship starts a sentence with "If you love me, you will...." RUN! Run like you have never run before. This sentence can only end in emotional blackmail, and whether or not this was the first time it was used, if it is successful, it won't be the last. You are setting yourself up for more of the same for the life of the relationship. Anytime you need to be cajoled into doing something you obviously don't want to do, out will come the "If you love me, you will..." card, and you're doomed, because it is, in fact, an ultimatum.
Keep the Playstation3. Save your long term sanity. Drop kick the manipulative bitch. Find another woman who actually likes the Playstation and doesn't start sentences with, "If you love me, you will..." You'll be much better off in the long run, and it really has nothing to do with a game machine.
He bought a Playstation 3, for about $600. He's living with his girlfriend and wants to bring it in the house. She says no way. Her argument is he spends too much quality time playing video games and she wants that time. Last night, he supposedly snuck it in the house. She got pissed. So, he calls her on the air and wakes her up and they discuss the situation live, on the air. It comes down to this. She says, "If you love me, you'll smash that thing with a hammer. If you don't, I'm leaving." Now, we won't get into whether or not the whole thing is staged to get people to listen. It probably is. What we will get into is the situation. "If you love me, you'll smash that thing with a hammer. If you don't, I'm leaving"
It isn't a matter of the choice, girlfriend or playstation 3. That's scratchin' the surface. Human relationship vs. video game....human relationship wins. That, however, is not what's at stake here. This guy's future is at stake. If he caves, because he sees something long term here, he has to deal with what he's getting long term, and it ain't pretty.
Anytime anyone in a relationship starts a sentence with "If you love me, you will...." RUN! Run like you have never run before. This sentence can only end in emotional blackmail, and whether or not this was the first time it was used, if it is successful, it won't be the last. You are setting yourself up for more of the same for the life of the relationship. Anytime you need to be cajoled into doing something you obviously don't want to do, out will come the "If you love me, you will..." card, and you're doomed, because it is, in fact, an ultimatum.
Keep the Playstation3. Save your long term sanity. Drop kick the manipulative bitch. Find another woman who actually likes the Playstation and doesn't start sentences with, "If you love me, you will..." You'll be much better off in the long run, and it really has nothing to do with a game machine.
John put this out here at 12:32 PM
2 Comments:
Interesting insight, Lumberyard John. I can't say I disagree. But you know, that argument always goes the other way, too: "if you really love me, you'll WANT me to drink beer and watch football (or play playstation3) every waking hour....you'll APPRECIATE my only wanting to hang with my buddies, go golfing and come home drunk, unable to converse with you." It's an unfortunate situation for two people to find themselves in; that is, feeling that the only way to prove their love to each other is somehow by giving up something that means a lot to them, especially when that "thing's" value is so elusive or meaningless to the other. I think it is why many of us feel we have given up so much of ourselves in relationships, in the name of compromise.
I think that "if you love someone, you will...." You will do all sorts of things you maybe thought you wouldn't ever do. I think the crux of your argument here is that is must be YOU who decides to do it, not that it be demanded of you, and that you are in complete control of choosing your future, not feeling pressured into it.
And yet, I have to say, on behalf of all women, do men REALLY choose game machines over people? Even for radio ratings? Is THIS what we're dealing with?
and I will submit that it does go both ways. The sentence has nothing to do with gender. Whether a man or woman starts anything with, "If you really love me you'll..." there's emotional manipulation involved and that ain't good.
As for whether someone chooses a game machine over people, I don't think anyone does. I think there can be time for both. I think everyone needs a little bit of 'me' time to go off and do something that doesn't involve their significant other. Just because you want that doesn't make them any less significant.
I go off with my buddies and play golf. The wife has girl time with her friends, and really, I want her to have that, as much as I want mine...or I just might hear, "If you love me, you'll go shoe shopping at the mall with me." (OK, just kidding.) That's healthy though.
That doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life golfing with my buddies, just like I don't think this guy wants to spend the rest of his with a Playstation3. He wants some time with it though, and just because he does, it's not a choice of the machine over his girlfriend. It's not an all or nothing thing. You do have to manage the 'me' time though. If it really is every waking hour, or even close to that, you got bigger issues.
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