it's hard to argue with "free"

I got this e-mail last week. It went something like...

Free Golf Clinic. This weekend at a course very close to stately lumberyard manor. Long Game, Short Game, Putting and Bunker Shots. Beginners 12:00 to 3:00. Intermediate/Advanced 3:00 to 6:00. Call for reservations. 555-1212.

So I thought....what the hell. It's free. Hard to argue with the price. So I called and inquired, and the person on the other end of the line was close to clueless. My first couple questions went off without a hitch.

Will there indeed be a free clinic this weekend?
Yes.

What do I have to do to register?
Give me a name and phone number.
OK, John of Lumberyard fame at 555-2121.

Now it got complicated, because you never know how they define "Beginner". Does "Beginner" mean you never picked up a club before or does it mean "bad golfer"? Does "Intermediate/Advanced" mean "bad golfer needing help" or does it mean "good golfer", and if it means "good golfer", why would they need your clinic? So I tried the most objective thing I had at my disposal.

So, I'm about a 24 handicap. What group do I belong in?
I have no idea.

So, when should I show up?
Uhhhhhhhhhh....

If I show up some time around noon, would that be OK?
(Sounding like I just gave this person an out, which was the intention) I'm sure that'd be fine.

Their turn with the question?
Which would you like to sign up for?
Pardon?
Long Game, Short Game, Putting or Bunker Shots.
Well, I didn't realize it'd be that focused, but OK....Long game.

You're all set Mr. Lumberyard.
Thank you...click.

Someone once told me how to spot good or bad golf instructors. One of the tips was, if the instructor hits more balls than you do, find another instructor. This person isn't interested in teaching you anything. They're interested in impressing a captive audience with their prowess. That was the first half hour of this free clinic. There were maybe 10 of us. Not one of the 10 hit a single ball, but we watched one of the instructors hit drive after drive, drawing and fading them on command. Very nice for him. Far beyond the ability of anyone in this audience. I was bored. If I wanted to watch someone do that, I could watch the PGA Tour telecast. Then he did the same with a 7 iron. He hit high and low shots with it. He hit a high fade...then a low draw. Then he attempted several low fades, because he kept fucking it up. The instructional part, where he hit the ball low if it was farther back in his stance, was helpful, but that was about it. Even that part I knew before, but I could understand seeing it taught in this clinic. The rest was fluff, especially considering the ability of this audience.

We finally got to hit balls, and being honest, they did give me some helpful tips...or at least I think they were helpful. You never really know until you try to put them into practice on a real golf course, so we'll see when the time comes. The question about which part I would focus on was irrelevant. The whole group hit a few balls on the range (I may have hit 20), a few bunker shots ( I hit all of 4, but being honest, this is where I think I learned something. They were the 4 best I've ever strung together.) and a few putts (maybe 6). The thing is, this clinic lasted two hours. Two hours, and I hit....maybe 30 golf balls. It's hard to argue with "free", but "free" doesn't just get measured in money. It gets measured in time too. Overall, I think they helped my game, so I won't complain too loudly, but that thing could have been easily done within one hour if we skipped the "oooooohs" and "aahhhhhhhhhhs" over some club pro booming 300 yard draws on command.